U.S. Subtitles

Why do U.S. audiences struggle with subtitles?

Surely that is the only explanation for why the U.S. tend to 'translate' foreign shows by completely re-writing them. When Disney bought Studio Ghibli they gave their films awful dubbing using U.S. actors, while the stellar Danish drama Forbrydelsen was butchered by AMC in their re-make.

I am not suggesting that everyone should learn Japanese or Danish to appreciate these shows. Instead, we should just get used to reading subtitles and leaving the show intact. It is our own intellectual blind-spot when we do not understand these languages and the integrity of the piece should not be threatened to mitigate this.

It is far more rare to translate a film from the U.S. to another culture and that is surely because other cultures understand how embedded these pieces are with their places of origin.

U.S. television executives should just learn to read and stop destroying foreign cultural pieces.

-The English Student

Electrocution

I've had two minor electric shocks in the past week or so.

These were by no means serious but the sensation was quite remarkable. It was not a feeling I would instantly describe as "pain" and so is difficult to articulate. It was more like a sense of physical disorientation.

I am not too interested in the science behind this feeling, although my impression is that this was due to a temporary disruption of my body's own electrical charge. The result of which was that I instantly lost my sense of embodiment for a split second.

Such slight and small physical shifts can have vast effects on the very composition of life. Perhaps this is part of the reason that the recent successes at CERN are so poignant. When we understand the minute forces at the base of existence we can understand how to control them.

I also need to be more careful around exposed wires!

-The English Student

Hobby Cartography

I have started to make some maps.

This new hobby began with a friend who has a similar issue with geography. We really do not have too good a grasp on this planet, it's countries or where exactly we live. I should point out that my geography is particularly poor and I am far more guilty than my friend.

So we began making maps. We made some by memory and my friend thoroughly showed up my ignorance. Embarrassed by my own, I have decided to work on a larger scale map and to use an atlas. This way I can actually learn where things are before having to make wild guesses.

This hobby cartography gives me a grasp on my environment, in the same way that following 'current events' gives me a grasp on what happens in my environment. These may very well be illusions but they are at least comforting illusions.

And they are illusions that allow me to spend time colouring nice pictures.

-The English Student

Commitments

Commitments keep me coming back to this blog, even when an update is due in five minutes time.

Making new commitments is tricky for me and I am pressed towards making another one by difficult circumstances and uncontrollable emotions. When I do make one of these commitments however, I tend to keep it.

This blog has been diligently upheld, despite an absence of readership and an absence of true inspiration for a long time. Is it some kind of zombie commitment when the initial reason for taking it has dissipated?

Perhaps it just shows commitment to that initial beginning. With that in mind, I should allow myself to make commitments a bit more readily: knowing that trust in myself is the most important factor for these decisions.

I will have to see how this plays out practically.

-The English Student

Post Release Preview: In Time

Over the week someone told me about the new Justin Timberlake film In Time.

The premise is fascinating. Instead of currency, individuals are allotted certain amounts of time which they can exchange for goods or transfer to others as payment. To earn more time you work a job or do other tasks. When your time runs out, you die. Effectively, the film directly commodifies time and these must ask interesting questions of capitalist society and the trade-off between time and money.

It seems unlikely, however, that I will actually watch the film. Rotten Tomatoes is panning the film and once again we have an example of a fascinating metaphysical premise destroyed by inept Hollywood production. It is hard to forgive such a ridiculous result when films like Inception set the bar for smart thinking and smart film making.

We do seem to be more forgiving when literature undermines a good plot-line however. Look at the dystopian fiction of Huxley (an arguably similar genre to In Time) or others: poor writing is forgotten while the fear created by the premise remains.

I am at least satisfied that poor film-making is not easily forgiven, I just wish they had spent more time crafting the piece than crafting the idea.

-The English Student

Racking up the Air Miles

In my life I have flown very little.

However, this year I have probably travelled more than at any other point in my life. I take two flights again this week and have begun to realise that my carbon footprint is sneaking up. I enjoy this travelling, even if it means that I spend more time eating airport food and experiencing airport customer service than I would like.

However, I have also begun to wonder if getting used to spending time in transit is a good thing. It is hard, when travelling to escape the expectations upon arriving at a place. Focusing on the actual travel is boring and mundane and when you move around a lot, this looking ahead becomes a normal perspective.

Perhaps that truly is what colours my current existence: a relentless hope for the future and a wilful ignorance of the boring present. The travelling paradigm is a dangerous one when no clear destination is in sight and no clear markers to highlight when one has been reached.

All things to be aware of as I rack up more air miles.

-The English Student

Story Toppers

I am now in regular contact with a bona-fide story topper.

Several people have independently identified this person as a story topper. He is apparently incapable of simply listening to a story or claim without telling one of his own inevitably grander tales. This is especially through if alcohol is involved.

This is annoying. It shows that this person is far more interested in hearing their own voice than what someone else has to say. They clearly believe that their own life is far more exciting and extreme than others and also believe that they need to make this obvious at every possible moment.

I do worry for them. Of course insecurity is at the base of this but how far do they have to take these stories? I mostly assume that they are lying about these stories but if they are true, then they are surely living in such a way as to actually be dangerous. But why lie about living such an awful lifestyle?

Perhaps I best just nod along to the stories and keep a wary eye out.

-The English Student

Quick Review: Life in a Day

The BBC recently aired a feature-length documentary entitled Life in a Day.

It intersperses various videos shot by people across the planet on the 24th July 2010. As the website states, 4500 hours of content was submitted from 192 countries. The result is an astonishing cross-section of life on this planet.

I missed the beginning of the documentary so I have no idea how it is initially framed. However, what most appealed to me was the lack of narrative. There are a few framing devices placed within the piece yet these are light and hardly give the film any real sense of progression. As such, it sits as a nice insight into life around the world without any real political statement.

Unfortunately, the documentary does not live up to this throughout. Most notably are the scenes shot in Afghanistan by a soldier, resident and the girlfriend of a soldier in the U.S.. These scenes are placed after each other and obviously speak about the ongoing war. That said, this only highlights a common connection rather than taking a specific stance on the common connection. It really is a film wrought by the individuals that filmed it: the editor has quite successfully hidden himself.

It's a remarkable piece and well worth watching.

-The English Student

Creative Grafiti

Recently I saw Morgan Spurlock's new documentary on advertisement in film.

One point made in the film is that cities like San Paolo have removed all forms of advertisement on city façades and that this resulted in a closer connection between citizen and city. The dilapidation of certain parts of the city was more obvious without massive Coca Cola advertisements blocking them up, while its natural beauty shone forth without illuminating neon signs.

Closer to home, this weekend I visited a city in my country that seems to encourage creative graffiti. Ugly scaffolding has been covered in colourful art work and buildings along the docks have murals painted with a running theme throughout. I am unsure as to the origin of this art and how 'authentic' it is as graffiti but it is certainly a pleasant change from what I would be used to in our capital.

This situations are different yet related. San Paolo ditched advertisement and adornment in order to highlight the true nature of the city. My recent visit was to a city that encouraged adornment in order to connect the citizens more closely with their city. In both cases, the people of the city have taken control of their environment and in different ways fostered a unique identity.

Our capital in particular could learn from these projects.

-The English Student

Sport Saves

New Zealand won the rugby world cup today.

When you consider that rugby is, for all intents and purposes, the only thing that New Zealanders passionately, nationally care about this achievement is a big deal. It is even bigger since their last win of the cup was in 1987 and since then, they have been known as the best team in the world in all except title.

But surely the most heart-warming aspect of this result is the transformative power that sport has for a nation that has had a harrowing year. The earthquake in Christchurch devastated lives while the recent oil spill has done untold environmental damage. A win like this, watched by most of the world will give them back some national pride and allow them to truly celebrate.

The stakes for this match were clearly high. All sports fans experience the massive highs and lows of following a team and understand that we place a lot of importance on events that are out of our control. But the events of the earthquake and oil spill were out of the control of the average New Zealander.

Clearly, they were owed this.

-The English Student

Occupy Earth

The "Occupy Wall Street" movement spread this weekend.

Throughout the world various groups of people flocked to the main streets of capital cities and occupied them in protest against corrupt capitalist agendas. Most of them branded slogans like "We are the 99%", implying that the rich few that benefit from neo-capitalism are by far the minority and therefore should be powerless in the face of activism.

The rhetoric of 'occupation' rather than 'protest' is what particularly interests me. This rhetoric implies a somewhat passive position for these groups. An occupier will primarily take up space. While many have clearly lead to violence and protest, their primary occupation simple is occupation.

Perhaps this is a stance that should strike more fear into the political masters that the vitriol is directed towards. These people are not threatening to smash down the doors of government or businesses and instead will simply take up space. Violence against such a group is unacceptable and a policy of ignoring the occupations is emerging.

These occupations therefore invade the infrastructure of their cities and activate a discontent built into its very foundations.

-The English Student

Rolling Walk

I went for a walk earlier to clear my head.

Of the many boring things I observed, most notable was the different types of transport that I saw. I saw kids on roller blades, skate boards, those little scooters, the ski-things with wheels, bicycles and small cars. I remembered the way we used to play as kids and how a lot of the time it involved wheels of different varieties.

This is obviously in contrast to my choice to take a walk. It reminds me of the days when even going to a destination was an activity. We would never get bored when we were kids because we could always walk to the shop or over to the next neighbourhood.

Perhaps remembering this was a factor in my decision to take a walk. As things get more and more hectic and I increasingly struggle to control my world it feels important to remember the simplicity of walking.

If I can walk I can walk back in time.

-The English Student

I am in a rush.

I am in a rush.

I'm about to leave the house that I've been living in for a year.

I don't want to go.

But I have to.

I think.

-The English Student

Scientific Rigour

I am an English Student, not a scientist.

Yet I have to tip my hat to the scientific community. This week scientists in Italy and Switzerland may have disproved the theory of relativity with measurements of neutrinos moving at a rate faster than the speed of light. The excitement of such a discovery and its ramifications for the foundation of human conceptions of reality (especially causaulity) is obvious throughout the various news sites carrying the story.

What is also obvious, is a healthy scepticism that these results are correct. I have read numerous interviews of scientists that all express both admiration for the experiment and disbelief that it is correct. Rather than shooting the idea down out of hand, these scientists insist that every single variable must be rigorously checked. These scientists are not heretics: their tentative conclusions and own disbelief creates a healthy system of checks and balances.

Surely the scientific community must be proud of this solid pillar of peer-review. These people dream and experiment yet do so knowing that they themselves are human and therefore make mistakes. Regardless of whether one believes in the power of scientific discourse, their scientific rigour must be admired.

It is a testament to some of the heights of contemporary thought.

-The English Student

Bound

It is a simple gesture, yet getting something bound is quite momentous.

This morning I will do this and irrevocably join months of work together. It is the final connection and the final task that I need to complete this project. Any feelings of incoherency within the actual prose will now become deeply embedded with the final project, any feelings of coherency will be mimicked at a physical level.

I do not anticipate a massive climax when I have bound this project. If anything, I expect a dour affair and at least some kind of hassle at the bindery. Yet it these projects are ones of small victories and the small victory of binding is a summary of those other small victories.

I march towards it now. Knowing that when bound I will probably never look at it again. For when bound, I can never change it again. I have given all that I can and while the physical project does not summarise all of the work that I have done, the binding pulls it together and seals the period.

To the bindery.

-The English Student

Dedication

Someone has decided to dedicate something to me.

This has upset me quite a bit. I do not mean to use "upset" in a necessarily negative context as it it obviously an honour, yet I certainly feel knocked by it. While I have offered the person different types of help, it was hardly a favour or anything out of the normal dynamic of our relationship. I gave her plenty of reasons why there was no need for such a dedication, all of which she combated in her wonderfully direct manner: "Bullshit".

Dedications are unusual things and I wonder why they never seemed like a big deal to me until I either had to write one or in a case like this where I am the subject of one. In this manner it really must be a completely personal thing that foregrounds an achievement and grounds it in the author's real life.

I am also glad that after some initial resistance, I relented to let her go through with this dedication. I severely struggle with taking compliments or viewing my actions as beneficial to my friends. This dedication implies that at times, with some generous and caring people I have made a strong connection.

I suppose that the realisation of all of this in one moment is reason enough to get upset.

-The English Student

Human Documentaries

I have finally begun to watch the famous BBC documentary Planet Earth.

I know that I am way behind the trend on this yet I always find that I end up watching television shows long after they have finished. Perhaps I am just allowing the cream of television to rise and perhaps I am just lazy. Regardless, friends have begun touting this amazing documentary and I have finally gotten into it. Clearly it is brilliant. Yet I am not entirely sure what the real focus of the documentary is.

There have been several occasions during the show when I have flinched at the use of over anthropomorphic allusions. There are some overt comparisons between some of the animals and humans and the tone of the episodes frequently changes to set up an idea of 'good animal' and 'bad animal'. Are the arctic wolves the evil foil to the good musk oxen? I think not, yet the damning music and chase scenes imply otherwise.

The show is obviously attempting to create a human connection to these animals without diminishing their idiosyncratic, animalistic nature. It seems that one of the only ways out of this conundrum is an appeal to balance. While this appeal is not made too directly, the episodes seem to imply that nature is balanced and that the death of an animal helps the life of another. As other television shows like All Watched Over by Machines of Loving Grace have demonstrated however, this sense of balance is a human conception based on systems and network theories.

Planet Earth is magnificent. Yet it is quite obviously more about the rhetoric humanity uses to describe the environment.

-The English Student

Pocket Music

I seem to be obsessed with carrying all of my music, all of the time.

A constant concern with my mp3 player is its capacity. My older player had far larger storage yet was so unreliable that I had to move onto something smaller. Thankfully, I am not quite at the stage of having to remove any of my music to make way for things that I listen to more, yet I see it approaching quickly on the horizon. Especially as I begin to increasingly trade music libraries with friends.

It's not like I listen to all of this music. In fact, there's some of it that I have never listened to and probably never will. Yet it's that 'probably' that seems to be the trouble. I feel that if I ever could possibly listen to something then I need it with me at all times. Even stuff that I do not actually like may need to stay in case someone else wants to listen to it while in my company or in case I have a change of heart.

I guess the other reason is that I have a direct pipeline into a pretty vast collection of music when I store it all in one place. It is reassuring to have all of this creativity sitting in my pocket awaiting my selection.

Music is what keeps me going and this mp3 player is like a power source for me.

-The English Student

My Short Fuse

Once again, I impulsively reacted to a minor situation.

I ended up drawing the attention of the authorities to a situation that, while not completely innocuous was far from serious. Said authorities seemed quite happy that I got in touch with them over the situation though and to their credit, they diffused it quickly and professionally.

But once again I questioned how quickly I reacted with a 'nuclear' option. Granted, I did not call the police and this would have been a more extreme reaction. But still, it would likely have blown over without my intervention.

I wonder to what extent my loss in religious faith is connected to these actions. When I lost god as an arbiter of justice a gap in my ethical outlook developed. Before, I could resign myself to believing that if people were evil they would be punished. Without god to dole out this punishment I may have begun to take that part myself in a vigilante-type outlook.

Soon I'll get hurt doing this but I still cannot resign myself to letting assholes be assholes.

-The English Student

Sticks and Stones

I was hit by a rock on Friday evening.

There isn't much of a story to tell: I was going to a pub to see my friends, a car passed behind me and I was hit in the back of the head with a rock or something about as big and heavy. While it hurt, it didn't really do any damage. I didn't even stop in the immediate reaction and kept walking, albeit slower and more shaken, towards the pub.

After the initial shock passed I just thought "of course". Why hadn't something like that happened before? I mean, of course it has happened to me before like anyone else, but why doesn't this kind of thing happen more often? Individual people are amazing, humanity is shit and this should hardly be an unusual moment. After all, society really isn't much except a veneer over our inclination to throw rocks at people.

I shook the incident off fairly quickly and kept quiet about it to my friend for various reasons. I told them about it yesterday and they were shocked and sympathetic. But I don't think they were surprised either. Perhaps deep down, we all know that this is a massive deception, with the ugly truth breaking forth in isolated incidents.

Stay tuned to find out who breaks first.

-The English Student

A Dull Buzzing

Something was wrong with the building that I work in.

I spend most of my life there so before I had even realised the problem, in my half-asleep state I knew that something was off. It was not long before I noticed the high concentration of wasp corpses strewn around various points in the building.

I overheard a conversation between an administrator and worker: they were aware of the problem and tending to it. They did not tend to it quick enough in my opinion. I could deal with insect bodies around the building and I could deal with the necessary noise required to solve the problem. What I struggled to deal with was the sound of wasps dying slowly all around me.

Coupled with the fact that my headphones stopped working over the week meant that I could either sit there and listen or leave. I did leave and thankfully the weather was fine enough to allow me to do some light work outside. When I returned however, the problem was not yet solved and the sound reverberated in my head.

The sound of slow death, a slow buzzing.

-The English Student

Skewed World View

This will not be a pompous entry on abstract issues of perception.

I wish to specifically talk about a person that I see frequently who has a world view that I think completely incongruous with her reality. On several occasions she has told me stories about things that have happened to her recently or in the past and I have found it difficult to hold my tongue. At the very least, I generally have the thought of: "That's just not true".

Her stories place her in a far more autonomous and controlled position than I believe she has ever really experienced in her life. She has told me about how she has stood up to bosses at work and others that have sought to take advantage of her. I have overheard one such exchange and know that she capitulates far more easily than she states. She also commits to things with a huge amount of positivity before inevitably backing out with an excuse which she herself sees as an aberration. It is actually the norm.

In some respects, there is no harm in this behaviour and we all engage with it. But I do believe that her separation from events has a negative effect overall. If she believes that she is conquering her problems when in actuality, they are conquering her then she is heading down a very bad road indeed. Perhaps I am giving her too little credit and she is well aware of this pattern and thus knows how to manage it.

Perhaps my view is the skewed one.

-The English Student

Silent Phone Hacking

The recent phone hacking scandal in the U.K. brings up an interesting question of self-reflexive visibility in the press.

I knew that phone hacking was a policy of tabloid newspapers in the U.K.. I have known for about two or three years that this was the case. I am not trying to create some kind of bizarre "I told you so" situation here or claim that I am some sort of whistle-blower. Instead, I would just like to point out that if I knew that this was going on, everyone in the U.K. government, press and police knew it was going on.

As more 'revelations' emerge, the it is increasingly unavoidable to posit an entire web of complicity and corruption underlying the phone hacking scandal. Everybody knew and everybody protected the deceit in order to hold each other up in this nefarious syndicate. This is even more obvious when off-the-record interviews are taken with people close to the press, government of police which basically state "Yeah, of course this was happening, it was normal practice".

It is striking that something so pervasive was the very issue not reported on by the press. Granted, some news outlets like The Guardian took a steps to warn politicians of the oncoming storm. However, I find it hard to ignore the idea that this was such a mundane, everyday occurrence in tabloid media that they themselves could not see it as news-worthy.

The entire situation is a mess and I hope it foregrounds how messy the politics/media/police relationship has become in the U.K..

-The English Student

Umbrella

I have never really considered myself an umbrella kind of person.

I would always have a hood on the coat that I was wearing when I thought it would rain or failing that, would just resign myself to getting wet. Umbrellas have obviously been in my psyche for my entire life, I just never considered them part of my direct experience.

Last week I ended up buying one out of frustration with unseasonable rain. It is definitely at the lower end of the umbrella spectrum and is liable to fall apart at any time now. That said, I have quite enjoyed its company the last few days. Holding it aloft feels like I am carrying some kind of shield that is light, flexible and as a side effect, keeps me dry.

The umbrella itself is such a standard symbol humanity. When I think of the icon in popular culture I'm drawn to My Neighbour Totoro, The Penguin from the Batman series, China Miélville's UnLunDun and even the name of the evil corporation in the Resident Evil games. They are one of those rare tools that have retained their usefulness since their creation and have silently covered the globe.

I suppose I do not have anything special to say about the item and instead am using this opportunity to address my previous negligence!

-The English Student

Music Circles

Various factors have lead me back to the very first album that I bought as a child.

I illegally downloaded (I figured it was okay seeing as I owned the cassette) Blur's The Great Escape and honestly did not know what to expect. I have not listened to the album in over ten years and much of what I listened to at a young age has been discarded as my taste developed. I really do believe that it has been a development and of course, no-one would claim that their taste is poor, I believe that I have come to enjoy increasingly creative, accomplished and well-crafted music.

The Great Escape really is still great. I can quite vividly remember lying on my bed with the cassette in my new walk-man and drifting off to sleep with it playing. I even remember buying it in the shop and the kind people working in there giving me a free box of chocolates. It really was an amazing beginning to my love of music. The album now carries this weight while still being a brilliant collection of music.

I wish that I could say such things about all of my music purchases, yet feel comfortable knowing that I had such a good foundation. I am tempted to take this opportunity to pan people (and one irritating person in particular) for their taste in auto-tuned, shallow nonsense that is surely written for children. However, my ivory tower is not so high and music is obviously related to taste.

I'm just glad that I like my music and not your music!

-The English Student

Sibling Rivalry

I had a pretty disturbing thought the other day: what if my siblings had been of the opposite gender?

A friend of mine was talking to her brother and I absently had a wish that I had one too. It seems like a common enough wish as there are inherent activities associated with siblings of each gender which you can supposedly miss out on. Video games are for brothers, doll houses for girls and that sort of thing.

My friend tried to comfort me that such thoughts were natural and maybe they are. However, I was still disgusted by this lapse as to claim that my siblings should be anything other than they are is both highly insulting and completely nonsensical. I have wonderful siblings and any change they could possibly make would be for the worse.

More than this, to claim that I missed out on any aspects of sibling activity due to their gender is also complete nonsense. The reason that I missed out on these activities with my siblings (and indeed, everyone else in my family) is because I have never put in the effort.

I can't blame chance for my neglect.

-The English Student

Personal Ads

I recently perused the usual rubbish that comes through my door.

Along with some awaited post, there were a few barely coherent fliers and a small local publication. This publication overtly calls itself an advertising medium and does not offer any real substance beyond spaces for local companies to advertise. Nestled among these advertisements is a personal ads section.

I was struck by its position in the publication and how brazen its position as advertisement became within it. Local businesses advertise their wares in this paper and I wonder if something similar is going on with the local people that take out these personal ads. What exactly are they advertising? Sexual appeal? Sociability? Love? Each of these things seems far more subjective than the type of lawn mower you use or the different supermarket you visit.

At least with these other objects there is a clear definition of what they offer. A better coffee grinder will grind your coffee better. It is not obvious what a better personal ad would look like or what it would sell. Not only do these ads seem to undermine the subjective specificity of relationships, it seems to do so in a manner that is pretty incoherent.

Let's not all become advertisement companies for ourselves.

-The English Student

Value-less Money

Money has lost its practical value.

I will not relate what will probably already be an obvious history, but money has become an abstract quantity. It was tied to various values, most notably the gold standard. The end of the gold standard and the beginning of fluctuating, relative currencies meant that money became valued just for its own sake.

I rush through this history so that I can relate a thought that I had a few hours ago. I was in a shop and mentally going through my usual routine. I always try to use exact change when paying for something or at least make an effort to get as close to that as possible. More than this, I have begun playing a mental game whereby I attempt to get rid of my least valuable coins. Even if I get change back, getting rid of the smaller coins gives me a small sense of satisfaction.

It seems that I want smaller physical amounts of money that are worth more value. This is most obvious when I try to use extra change in order to get a note back from a cashier. These pieces of paper are physically worth less than the metal coins that I exchanged for them. Not only has money become a relative value, it has inverted our normal sense of value. We usually think of metal as more valuable than paper but when this metal and paper is money the opposite is true.

Electronic money is certainly the next case in this unusual inversion.

-The English Student

Empty Proposals

It looks like I will be writing an application for something that I do not believe I will get.

This proposal is probably hollow in two main ways. In the first, there is such a minuscule chance that I will be successful that it is barely worth the effort of applying. It really is a case of throwing together an application so that I do not wonder 'what if' down the line. The reason my chances are so slim is in part that I have very little time to get a coherent proposal together and also for my lack of ability in the area. I do not believe I will be successful.

Secondly, even if I was successful I do not fully believe that I would be suited to what I am applying for. The temptation is to fudge the proposal so as to meet their needs more than mine and while doing so may increase the likelihood of success, it will only decrease my ability to perform in the still unlikely event of that success. I do not fully believe that it is the right path for me.

Thankfully, neither of these issues are actually too great. In this area it is all about mock confidence and convincing people through electronic formats that I am a more viable candidate than is actually accurate. I will need to put on my arrogant writing hat if the tiny chance of success is even to be approached.

I hope that my complete absence of confidence however, does not seep through the proposal.

-The English Student

Intercom Doorbells

Friends of mine live in an apartment building that has an intercom doorbell system.

Of course, these are par for the modern apartment course. However, they do create an interesting dynamic between caller and occupant. Traditionally, a regular doorbell would play a generic sound and alert the host to the door. This preamble was always the same and had no connection to the specific person that pressed the bell. Effectively, you answered the door blindly.

This is obviously transformed by the intercom doorbell. Granted, the same alert brings the occupant to the phone yet at this point they are more in control of who will gain entry. This is not much different from the spy hole that you get in many doors. It is a slight improvement on this function as you can use more of your senses to assess the situation outside your door.

The main difference it seems to me, is the setting of the tone of the oncoming meeting. If I am in a poor mood my tone of voice can very easily affect the mood in the house before I even gain access to the apartment. The other day I rang the bell, was greeted by a joyous sound from the intercom that was completely at odds with my monotone greeting. The room seemed more tempered when I arrived up there, as if the atmosphere was completely changed after the intercom conversation.

Of course, this would occur were I to enter the room without a preamble. It is remarkable however, that the atmosphere of a visit can be changed before it has even begun.

-The English Student

Teen Fiction: The Forest of Hands and Teeth

My research has lead me to The Forest of Hands and Teeth, teen fiction written by Carrie Ryan and I am quite enjoying it.

Granted, there are some tell-tale markers of teen fiction that I am struggling with. The use of personal pronouns can be a little overwhelming at times, with most sentences beginning with "I went", "I think", "I decided to" etc. and this can slow down the pace of the novel. There is also a tendency to over-explain things slightly.

However, the main difference that I expected, that of tone, is not nearly as pronounced as I anticipated. The novel does not condescend to the reader and in fact does quite the opposite. It takes it for granted that the reader will keep up with the pace of each ontological level.

It is this dynamic that gives power to teen fiction. By twinning the previously mentioned markers that force the reader to slow their pace a little with this trust, the novel achieves two feats. In the first place it is an appealing read with much depth. In the second, the teenage reader is drawn along in such a way as to improve their skills for dealing with narrative. The Forest of Hands and Teeth is an example of a novel that shows the way forward without seeming to force the reader down that path.

Teen fiction surely has its bright lights and Carrie Ryan should be considered amongst them.

-The English Student

A Bi-Polar Weekend

This has been some of the strangest 48 hours of my life.

The previous Thursday and Friday were difficult ones for me. Others had felt the strange vibe building around those days, with unusual weather and unusual events. Saturday morning and afternoon was absolutely bizarre, with my attempts at study completely thwarted by the anticipation of a bit event that evening. That event in itself was ridiculous, moving from the absolute dejection to absolute jubilation in the space of two hours. Following that was a party that married a huge celebration with unfortunate issues bubbling to the surface. This morning was a hang over, followed by very kind words from friends (and even some freshly baked cake from one of them!) and a fixing of the issues of the night before.

A few hours ago I finally slowed down a little bit and felt the weight of the weekend hit me. If you will pardon my language, it was an emotional shit-storm. My mood was rocketing from one extreme to another at a seemingly dangerous rate. Thankfully I was aware of this whilst undergoing the oscillation and barring the end of last night which was subsequently addressed, I managed to maintain a good level of control.

The key seems to be ensuring that when I am on a high, I understand that it does not make me invincible and when I am a low, it is a temporary one that I will be able to weather. The weekend was marked by extremes where I am afraid that I lost sight of these issues. But by and large, by keeping them at the forefront of my mind I got through the weekend and am able to look back on it as an excellent one.

Perhaps I can begin to embody this sensibility without it being at the forefront of my mind and thus find some level ground.

-The English Student

Thoughts on the New Danger Mouse Album

My initial thought is that this album is not out yet.

That said, Danger Mouse is once again testing the limits of music distribution. His new album with Daniele Luppi is streaming online through various websites and most interestingly, youtube. The usual nonsense of links within videos on youtube has been put to good use here. You are presented with a menu, much like a DVD menu on which you can choose a track from the album or allow it to play through itself. This allows the whole album to load, while also offering high quality tracks and therein, the best possible advertisement for the album.

My initial impressions of the music are largely positive. The resonance with Enio Morricone cannot be avoided and nor should it, with the choir of "The Good The Bad and The Ugly" and "Once upon a Time in the West" reunited for the album. Couple the contemporary spaghetti western vibe with the guest voices of Jack White and Norah Jones and you have a recipe for something very unique indeed.

Unique, however, just does not ring as accurate for the album. I have been wondering if I should just listen to some more Enio Morricone instead of this somewhat unoriginal connection. But then again, this was never meant to be a blazing trail into new territory. It is instead, slick, polished, smooth and thoroughly enjoyable on its own terms. As an homage then, this is a wonderful project.

I wonder if I can find the money and wherewithal to actually buy it.

-The English Student

Attention Monopoly

Osama bin Laden was killed in Pakistan last Monday.

What else happened on that day? Protesters were killed in Syria and the rift between rebels and loyalists in Libya widened. These are the only two developments that I remember from that day and in truth, they are based on a following of these news stories for the past few weeks. I partially blame my own blinkered vision on Monday for this, yet the sheer volume of attention that the death of bin Laden garnered necessarily pushed everything from the front page of sites and papers.

With good reason, too. The reaction to this event is far-reaching and has serious ramifications for everyone in both the 'west' and 'east'. I am not saying that these stories should not be given their due space and news outlets will obviously be in competition with others for the most succinct, original and in some countries, extreme piece on the event. It makes good economic sense to devote this kind of space to major events.

Yet I cannot help but wonder what the tyrants of the world are thinking when they see such dominant headlines. I do not know if Gaddafi was particularly violent on this Monday or if Syrian security forces cracked down even harder on protesters and I would be willing to bet that most people in the world do not know this either. Was such a news story a carte blanche for such regimes to enact brutalities on a people that would go largely unnoticed? I do not know and I do not know how this would be mitigated.

At any rate we should be aware of this trend and not allow dictators one moment free from the global gaze.

-The English Student

Alternative News Blogging?

Real news became ancillary news this weekend.

I will not engage with my usual effort to avoid naming certain events with the thought that they have garnered enough attention and do not need my own. Instead, I wish to name and shame the royal wedding in the UK this weekend and how certain news outlets dealt with the event. Throughout this post I do not wish to dampen the joy and fun that people gained from the event. If UK citizens wish to celebrate this wedding they are within their full rights to do so and it is always a good thing to see a country unified in joy.

It is not, however, acceptable for this particular news story to absolutely block out the rest of the world. One site in particular caused me a great deal of frustration. This site frequently live blogs on certain events. I have often left their live blog on middle eastern politics open in the last few weeks as it is both informative and updated frequently. On Friday, however, there was a blog devoted to everything that was not royal wedding related. I skimmed through this blog and found entries on Libya, riots in Bristol and other big events happening throughout the world. It was, in short, a blog of the news.

When did the news become the secondary factor of a news website?! The media itself has been quick to point out that this wedding was a massive reality television show on a huge stage. Yet surely with this self-awareness, these outlets need to consciously address the balance when relating news. If people wish to submerge themselves in royal wedding 'news' for the whole day then a royal wedding live blog would have been a brilliant way to do it and would have allowed people nonplussed by the whole affair to equally, avoid it.

Allowing oneself respite from the harrowing events of the world is understandable but that should not lead to a wider ignorance of the world.

-The English Student

Running Myself into the Ground

As previous posts may have suggested, my mental state is a touch fragile at the moment.

Possibly the most frustrating aspect of this is that I frequently now end up on this blog, only able to articulate these complaints. Perhaps this will change in a weeks time when I should get an opportunity to figure out how to be human again. For in truth, I have to admit that I am currently running myself into the ground.

I have put in a stupid amount of hours work in the past week. If my maths are correct (and honestly, that is a dubious claim in my current state) the tally is just past eighty hours. I have engaged in this foolish endeavour knowing full well what it would do to me and how little it would be worth the effort.

This self-awareness is almost more worrying. For if I knew that I was about to annihilate my body and sense of well-being then why did I continue down the same road? As this intense stretch comes to an end I have to wonder what will happen to me on the other side. Do I want to burn out? If that is the case, how much more miserable will I be when I do?

At any rate, these answers will likely be agonised over in my next post.

-The English Student

Title:

I have never felt like I want to write here less.

I feel like shit. I spend all of my time putting up this massive façade, pretending that I know what I'm talking about, know where I'm going, know what I'm doing and know who I am. I trick people into thinking that I'm good. This perpetual lie that I foist onto these wonderful people makes me feel worse.

I give people advice that I am not able to follow myself. This is hypocritical. How can I look someone in the eye and tell them that I know they're going to be okay, when I do not even believe that about myself?

Now, as it happens, I find that even this paltry, pathetic excuse of a life is untenable in its current form. I have all of these brilliant opportunities around me and huge groups of positive people, yet I can never find peace amongst. I am not worthy of them.

I am so tired of all this. Perhaps forcing myself to keep up with this weekly blog is something to hold on to.

-The English Student

Life Invasion

I have kept my life in small chunks.

These little divisions have included different groups of friends, different places and different mindsets. This weekend however, I have found them mixing. I had anticipated this and while nervous, was happy to see what would happen. The only thing that now worries me is that they may be mixing too quickly and without my control.

This may just be a step towards giving myself a coherent life. Yet at the same time I cannot help but wonder if there was a reason for keeping my life fragmented. I do not trust myself in certain situations and with certain people. Perhaps this compartmentalisation was an effort to make a new beginning with people and therefore break free of old patterns.

At any rate, the main thing that I need to do this weekend is to go along with things and not complicate matters. For any normal person, this problem would not even exist so it is surely a natural and beneficial step for some disparate elements of my life to start pulling together.

Hopefully I can even enjoy it too.

-The English Student

Shower Physiology

Surely the contemporary epiphany happens in the shower.

The moment that I step into the shower my entire body goes under a transformation. I only recently realised this transformation as the whole process of showering, the rushing water is a distraction. It is like a moment of transition. As the water hits me my body and mind sinks into a relaxation.

People frequently seem to realise the power of the shower for problem solving. Any kind of mental issue or problem that needs to be sorted out gains a completely new perspective in the shower. The aforementioned moment of transition necessarily gives a new light and affords new thinking patterns the room to work.

The other obvious benefit (apart from making us clean!) is that the shower is a place that work can rarely be done in. I once managed to do some study in the shower with a creative use of plastic pockets and tape but that is certainly not the norm. When there is no practical way to make progress on something we do not feel the usual pressure associated with it.

I may go for one right now actually.

-The English Student

Two Everyday Narratives

English students are generally quite in to narrative. It is kind of our thing.

As I have previously mentioned, English students are also prone to over-analysis of mundane patterns. That said, two contemporary, popular narratives have garnered my attention both in the long term and short. These are, of course, sports and politics.

The narratives of sport are absolutely amazing. They can be adversarial between two or more people or teams or competitive against a form of measurement, or indeed both. The sub plots, detail and spin on these events has become big business for media and betting outlets. With good reason too, as I believe that some of the most fascinating and sincerely compelling narratives can be found in sport. This is partially, I believe, due to the involvement of the person actually watching the sport and due to the unknowability of the outcome. Fans wish to watch every match of their chosen sport, as they are very aware that any match could create a classic narrative.

Politics has a more obvious narrative, with political parties contending with each other and socio-economic issues. I have consistently found that my interest in political narratives in countries has waxed and waned depending on my proximity to the political system. At times, I feel too close to the political system in the country that I occupy. At these times, political decisions have direct ramifications for the lives of people that I know and as such, cannot be taken lightly. Indeed, politics should never be taken lightly. Despite, or indeed because of the serious of these issues I find the political wrangling of parties to be an extremely fruitful source of narrative.

Perhaps if I spent more time studying literature than sporting and political narratives then I would be more worthy of my name!

-Then English Student

Reprehensible and Impulsive

I did something very stupid at the start of this week.

It was almost completely impulsive and lead to many complications. I dealt with these complications badly and I believe that this is partially due to the fact that I am not usually an impulsive person. I acted impulsively, told myself that it did not really matter and attempted to ignore the ramifications of my actions. These actions did not seem like my own, so I was inclined to avoid their results.

Obviously this could not last. Or at least this is obvious when you consider that my impulsive action directly affected another person. It was absolutely reprehensible for me to go on pretending to myself that my actions had no consequences just because they were impulsive. An English student makes a living out of drawing massive conclusions and results from the smallest textual instance. In this case it was deplorable for me to try to pretend that I did not have this understanding.

Impulsiveness is fine, up until a point. As soon as actions start having direct consequences for other people they need rational meditation. There is one thing about small impulsive gestures or ones that have minimal consequences beyond the actor. It is quite another to create major headaches for people based on a whim.

This was not the first time that I did something unwise impulsively. I hope it is the last.

-The English Student

News Context

A disaster has happened.

On Saturday the main disaster for me was the loss of a sporting fixture that I was heavily invested in. I was devastated by the result and my friends were quick to comfort me. However, at the close of the match the international news came on the television. Poignantly, the ridiculous importance that I put on sport was driven home. The fact that I was even alive was a victory.

I have seen many people commenting on this disaster in blogs and social networking sites and I cannot view these entries without a grimace. To be clear, I am all for the expression of solidarity, sympathy and empathy towards those affected by the tragedy. I do not, however, believe that these mediums are appropriate. There is something horribly frivolous about commenting on a massive disaster on something as instantaneous as Facebook. The thought is an admirable one by the poster, yet the post undermines the fact that these disasters should not be dealt with so quickly or shallowly.

I realise that my posting about this situation is somewhat hypocritical. However, I am making a conscious effort not to name the disaster in question. This is not due to some callous method of appropriating the disaster or an effort to generically talk about tragedies with one brush stroke. I am attempting to make an observation of these trends without diminishing the harrowing events that sparked them.

We should be very careful of how we express our empathy, lest we undermine it through the medium.

-The English Student

Analysis Overload

I was pretty furious today.

Two separate events happened that set my temper off completely. Not that I was walking around shouting at people or destroying things. No, I went to my usual hyperactive internal monologue which of course, just made things amazingly worse. This is not exactly a new development for me, but in this case I was absolutely mistaken on both counts and had allowed myself to get carried away by my own analysis; placing blame and condemning people that did not deserve it.

This business of being an English student absolutely lends itself to over-analysis. When you spend any amount of time encouraging yourself to analyse patterns and themes it is only natural for this to cross over into your personal life. The narrative of life is a subject that can be just as intensely observed and analysed, albeit possibly fruitlessly. In fact, "fruitless" does not even begin to cover what this tendency has done to me at times. I was ready to write people off today and fell back into isolated misery without garnering any of the real facts or making any attempt at communication.

Perhaps this reflective post on my reflectivity can be some kind of cathartic release from this danger. All of the clichés of getting outside of your head and just going along with life have become tawdry for a good reason. If I could just shut down for a little while or at least be able to "go with the flow" enough to not get "wound up" over nothing, I would have a happier life.

Maybe the trick is to just stop thinking. Stop typing.

-The English Student

A General Election, Generally Speaking

I have viewed a recent election with an almost a-political perspective.

That previous sentence is nigh-on nonsense, yet what I mean is that my view of the election had less to do with party strategy, policy or even personality. In truth, I believed that each of these usual factors were almost completely hollow on the part of every candidate in the election. I did not see any major benefit in favouring any of the candidates. Not due to political apathy I should point out, more due to a sincere feeling of political futility.

This allowed me to view the election in a different light. I was hoping for a result that would be, as I saw it, "most democratic". This involved a hope for candidates of all different viewpoints that they would get a chance to gauge their opinions against the electorate and then, if appropriate, represent them on a national level for the country. To an extent, I believe that this has happened. There is more likely to be varying views expressed in this country's government.

The second main aspect that I looked at was voter turnout. Again, whatever the result, I felt that it was essential for this country's democracy to be as fully representable as possible. For whatever a political party may stand for, it is the people that give them the reins to power and it should therefore be the choice of all of the people. Apathy does seem to be shaking from the electorate.

These abstract issues being generally fulfilled, the next government of this country will therefore be a truer test of the democratic procedure.

-The English Student

Radiohead, The King of Limbs: How Not to Review an Album

Radiohead surprised the public this week with both an announcement of a new album and subsequent release of this album.

The internet was a hive of activity yesterday as rumours swirled around about their new release. When the album was in fact released, the predictable race to write a review began. I myself kept an eye on this development, watching people's snap judgements and early opinions emerge, allowing them to influence my own decision as to whether I should pick up the album or not. After watching these reviews and after getting my hands on the album, I found myself wondering what on earth had just happened.

In effect, I was swept away whilst browsing the net in a manic search for opinion on this album. This was a first for me as I have usually been content to wait a few weeks before making a decision on an album. I think the manner of release of this particular album has underlined the 'fast-food' tendencies of the contemporary music industry. The space of time between the announcement and release of this album was one week. With digital distribution, the space of time between the release of this album and the attainment of it for the consumer is, depending on your internet connection, about 10 minutes. We are getting very close to instantaneous consumption. In fact, this album was released a day earlier than initially advertised. It was practically pre-instantaneous. With such speed of consumption, the rush to form and find opinions was not far behind. If we can get music so quickly then of course we will hunt for opinions on that music quickly. It is no longer products that we wish to ravenously consume, it is also thought.

I have heard the album twice since yesterday. The first time I was reading while listening, the second I was travelling. Music is the kind of thing that you live with and that becomes part of the environment. As such, I still have not made any kind of value judgement on the collection. I will allow it to grow or wither on its own merits, within the atmosphere of my own musical life.

Perhaps then I will bother to write a review, when I have fully understood my relationship with The King of Limbs.

-The English Student

A Guilty Week

I feel guilty about everything.

If I take any action that leads to the slightest negative consequences for anyone, by and large I will feel guilty. There are of course exceptions to that rule, as some people are truly not worth the energy that this guilt would cost me. But mostly any possible joy I can have from a situation will be tempered by the potential that it costs someone else the same joy.

I realised yet another aspect to this early in the week. I heard of something tragic and I instantly felt guilty for my own inaction in remedying the situation. I engaged in a hypothetical understanding of the situation, yet the only hypothetical I would allow was the one that made me feel the most guilty. More than this, I began to feel guilty that my own guilt was de-railing the true tragedy of the event and that I was being selfish.

Can I actually do anything or not do anything without feeling guilt? I am getting pretty sick of it myself and I cannot imagine how tired my friends must be of my constant efforts to martyr myself. I hope that I can get this under control and at some point, feel worthy of the compassion that they show me at every possible opportunity.

Or perhaps I will feel guilty for taking up their time too.

-The English Student

Tomatoes

Bread and milk are an interesting medium for checking the cost of living in any country.

These statistics always strike me when I'm buying such products as they constitute what has various been called "basic". Indeed there are surely methodological issues with such a measurement as it does not show the quality of the bread or milk in terms of the cost that you are paying for that quality.

This is where tomatoes come in for me. I am not suggesting that they be used as a new measurement of the standard of living. Instead, I think that they are very useful in gauging the difference between different supermarkets and shops in any specific area.

As a friend of mine recently summarised, tomatoes are something that you always need to buy. They are clear cut, relatively inexpensive and pretty much essential. Yet the quality of a tomato does vary quite noticeably from shop to shop. You can generally always buy a pack of 6 tomatoes for a certain amount of money and this makes comparison easy.

So let's adopt the tomato as a standard of the quality and cost of living, alongside traditional products.

-The English Student

Ear Plugs

I have been wearing them an awful lot this past week.

On a bit of a whim I decided to get a cheap packet of ear plugs with a purchase I was already intending to make. I did not do this out of necessity. There are times when I do want silence and this is not fully possible due to other people. Usually in these circumstances I would put on some music to drown out the noise; for at least if there is sound, I want it to be sound that I can control.

Ear plugs seem to take this issue of control even further. I have found myself wearing them at times that extraneous noise would not even really bother me. The fuzzy vibration of them and the cutting off of the sense of hearing allows me to focus to an even greater degree. Even if the outside noise is at a minimum, completely blocking it out noticeably helps me to work.

Wearing ear plugs is quite a unique sensory experience. It is amazing to rap your hands on your desk and not actually be able to hear the result. I would liken it to being at a very loud concert, singing along except completely unable to hear yourself. It forces you to question how real those actions actually are. I would not posit that just because I cannot hear something, it is not happening. However, the experience of clapping your hands is a very different experience to clapping your hands when you are temporarily deaf.

My only problem now is a growing addiction to these ear plugs and a wariness of enjoying this retreat away from a sensory, tangible world.

-The English Student

New Shoes?

My shoes are in a bad way.

I have had them for a good few months at this point and their age is starting to show. Both heals are just about separated from the rest of the shoes. There are holes in various parts of them that invariably let whole puddles of water into them. The laces refuse to stay tied for more than a twenty minute walk. Finally, they are really starting to smell unpleasant.

So the answer to this non-question is to get rid of them. But I sincerely do not want to. To one extent it is a monetary concern. Another concern is the actual process of shoe shopping that I find painful. Both of these fears however, are mitigated by the fact that I already own a spare pair of shoes that are exactly the same as my current ones; only not on the point of falling to pieces. Is it just stubbornness then that keeps me in this so-called shoes?

I believe that they have a certain latent memory in them. For instance, I do not know what shoes the laces came from but I have had them for awhile. There is a certain continuity in wearing the same shoes throughout different seasons, different situations and different places. I have often been asked why I do not give up these relics and indeed, I soon may be obliged to. But my answer has to be that I do not want to lose an element of personal continuity in a world that disrupts all claims to this continuity.

Are my shoes me? No. But they are a linking point from the person I am now all the way back to the person who originally bought them.

-The English Student

Crying in My Sleep

More odd dreams seem to be surfacing.

In these recent dreams I find myself inexplicably crying. As with most dreams, the actual events that lead up to me crying in this dream are shrouded in mystery. I had no idea why I was crying except that it felt like it was from a deep well of sorrow. Not tears of joy then.

Upon awaking I felt suitably terrible. yet not for the reason that I initially thought. Of course, whatever it was that had me upset in the dream lingered for a few moments when I awoke. However, after reflection I began to wonder if this dream affected me so much due to the fact that I feel unable to actually cry while awake.

The release of crying has eluded me for years, much as I have tried to find consolation in it at times. In some respects, this dream mimics a more standard erotic dream. Except instead of sexual release, I had emotional release. Much like a sexual fantasy, the events that created my recent dream are lost in my psyche and the fulfilment of the fantasy is no nearer.

Perhaps this fantasy of catharsis can some day be realised. Until then, I will have to take comfort from crying in my sleep.

-The English Student

A Mini Modern Colony

Colonialism in a traditional sense is dead.

Colonialism in an economic and cultural sense is very much alive. What better way to enact the goals of colonialism - the subsummation of an area into your own - than the exportation of culture. What is more, the illusion that this culture is a choice for people and that they can ignore it if they decide to do so highlights the pervasive nature of this colonialism.

I have grafted a colony in a certain space that I sometimes occupy. It contains nationalist symbolism and cultural objects that paint it as a very certain cultural power within the lands of a counter-cultural power. However, this small 'colony' is less about controlling other people than controlling a certain space.

Herein lies the difference between these demonstrations of nationalism. I have a cultural relationship with these places and their influences manifest themselves in every aspect of my personality. I am not forcing cultural colonialism onto people, I am simply expressing that part of my cultural identity that is currently disconnected from its foundation.

These mini modern colonies are far more wholesome than the overarching cultural imperialism that affects them.

-The English Student

Constantly Leaving

I am sick of saying good-bye.

I had a great time over the holidays and I got to greet a lot of people that I had not seen for awhile. Quite soon however, these hellos became good-byes. When I was talking to people early in the holidays it was all about greetings because there was no immediate sign of us parting again. When our time began to run out the greetings became inseparable from the good-bye.

I should have anticipated this. The argument goes that separation fosters relationships as you gain perspective on these relationships and realise their value. I do have to say that I did find this somewhat accurate. Triumphant returns were all the more triumphant after this separation.

However, the benefits of these partings become completely hollow in the moment that they are occurring. If I have to keep saying good-bye to people then I will feel increasingly isolated. My relationships are becoming compartmentalised to certain times and certain places. I used to compartmentalise them myself. There is a luxury in blaming myself for that separation, but these days it is one enforced on me by situation.

That type of leaving is far more difficult to suffer.

-The English Student