Two separate events happened that set my temper off completely. Not that I was walking around shouting at people or destroying things. No, I went to my usual hyperactive internal monologue which of course, just made things amazingly worse. This is not exactly a new development for me, but in this case I was absolutely mistaken on both counts and had allowed myself to get carried away by my own analysis; placing blame and condemning people that did not deserve it.
This business of being an English student absolutely lends itself to over-analysis. When you spend any amount of time encouraging yourself to analyse patterns and themes it is only natural for this to cross over into your personal life. The narrative of life is a subject that can be just as intensely observed and analysed, albeit possibly fruitlessly. In fact, "fruitless" does not even begin to cover what this tendency has done to me at times. I was ready to write people off today and fell back into isolated misery without garnering any of the real facts or making any attempt at communication.
Perhaps this reflective post on my reflectivity can be some kind of cathartic release from this danger. All of the clichés of getting outside of your head and just going along with life have become tawdry for a good reason. If I could just shut down for a little while or at least be able to "go with the flow" enough to not get "wound up" over nothing, I would have a happier life.
Maybe the trick is to just stop thinking. Stop typing.
-The English Student
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