Constantly Leaving

I am sick of saying good-bye.

I had a great time over the holidays and I got to greet a lot of people that I had not seen for awhile. Quite soon however, these hellos became good-byes. When I was talking to people early in the holidays it was all about greetings because there was no immediate sign of us parting again. When our time began to run out the greetings became inseparable from the good-bye.

I should have anticipated this. The argument goes that separation fosters relationships as you gain perspective on these relationships and realise their value. I do have to say that I did find this somewhat accurate. Triumphant returns were all the more triumphant after this separation.

However, the benefits of these partings become completely hollow in the moment that they are occurring. If I have to keep saying good-bye to people then I will feel increasingly isolated. My relationships are becoming compartmentalised to certain times and certain places. I used to compartmentalise them myself. There is a luxury in blaming myself for that separation, but these days it is one enforced on me by situation.

That type of leaving is far more difficult to suffer.

-The English Student

Travelling Anxiety

Travelling at this time of year is always an anxious experience.

The airports are jammed, the roads are bogged down and even sea routes become a chore as mass migration happens all over the world. Naturally, taking part in this experience is enough to make anyone nervous. When you couple this with the volatile weather that constantly threatens to disrupt holiday travelling the whole situation becomes a bit of a nightmare.

But I wonder if travelling anxiety is not something that is felt all year. There is something very unsettling about travelling, particularly travelling by air. You arrive at an airport, get in a plane and arrive at another airport. The movement while in the plane seems virtual. You can look through a window but at times this is more analogous to a television screen. The sights from an airport window are so unusual in our daily lives as to make them unbelievable. So, instead of a more tangible or usual journey by car or bus, plane journeys feel like teleportation devices that require you to sit in one room for a set period of time depending on where you are being teleported to.

This form of travel breaks up our internal spatial map. This is not helped by the factory packed, generic look of airports that is common around the world. We enter an airport, exit another and suddenly realise that we are in a different country. Surely the real anxiety of plane travel is the fear that it is not actually taking place. We must be naturally cautious that the whole process is a ruse or sleight of hand and that our understanding of the planet is absolutely false.

While none of this will comfort me while travelling tomorrow, it may make my travelling anxiety more cerebral and thus more tolerable.

-The English Student

Forcing Christmas Spirit Down Our Throats

One of the major shopping streets in our city has begun to force Christmas spirit down our throats.

I happen to work on this street at the moment and as such have to walk past the offending area every day. The loud Christmas music blaring from the building is bearable. Even the ridiculously dramatic Christmas advertisements that are shown from adjacent buildings onto the street can be ignored. But the fake snow that is blasting from the roof of the building throughout the street I simply despise.

It tastes disgusting and clings awfully to clothes. More than this, it is a completely hollow attempt to create some sort of a Christmas feeling throughout the city. I previously explained my unease around this season and while I do encourage everyone to enjoy the holiday time I myself still struggle with it. While the lights and decorations are artificial, they are mainly inoffensive. This powdery nonsense is an inescapable reminder of the coming Christmas.

It is artificial and so is the sentiment that the store is trying to create. It almost never snows around Christmas in this area. The weather is far more likely to take that turn in late winter or early spring. So not only is this fake snow an attempt to create an early commercial frenzy of spending, it is one that does not have any real context in this country. The capitalist extremes that are always bubbling under the surface at this time are increasingly overt.

Never has it been more obvious than this artificial, unintelligible gimmick.

-The English Student

Christmas Guilt

Another Christmas approaches and a familiar sense of dread emerges.

Of course, it would be ridiculous to simply say that I hate the holiday season. It is billed as a time of joy when people can come together to celebrate and give thanks with family and friends. Indeed, in these more secular times this holiday is no longer just for the religious minded, but for everyone.

However, there are several reasons why I have never truly and consistently enjoyed Christmas. The music is nauseating, the decorations gaudy and the weather is bitterly cold. This is all in conjunction with the increasingly cynical nature of a market driven holiday. But these persistent annoyances can hardly be enough to drive me away from Christmas. In fact, these aspects have only become apparent to me recently.

But ever since I was young this holiday has caused me pain and frustration due to a feeling I call 'Christmas Guilt'. The idea of gift giving is all well and good, but I happen to be someone who has everything they could possibly want. I don't wake up hungry, nor do I go to sleep freezing cold and despite my many failings I have friends who stick by me. So how can I in good concsience demand anymore from those who give so much?

But they will keep asking me what I want for Christmas, so I must stay resolute in my response: I want nothing.



-The English Student