It was a hazy surrounding and a certain part of me knew that it was a dream. I made my way across the pavement near my house and saw, hobbling in front of me a mannequin that had begun to move. It had only one leg and was suspended on the other side by a crutch. Spinning in circles it drew closer and then moved away from me, before confronting me head on. It told me that it had great interest in biting me and this naturally disturbed me enough to wake me up.
The story of Cerpin Taxt has had similar effects one me. This album tracks the story of a man that intentionally poisons himself, falls into a coma and while unconscious travels through the depths of his own psyche. When he finally awakens, he is so distraught with the nature of reality that he finally resolves to kill himself. This second attempt is a successful one.
As I get closer to the inevitable ending that I face in a few weeks and the life change that I have been planning for months, I have began to wonder if this too is a surrogate form of death. It is the end of a life, it is an end that I have anticipated and yet it is an end that I have not yet fully understood. I may not be dying, but surely these thoughts of parallels to the thoughts of a dying person. We experiment with these death substitutes so that we can attempt an understanding of the ultimate mystery without actually sacrificing our conscious investigative tendencies.
Surrogate death is not real death and this may be the whole appeal of it.
-The English Student
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