Stasis

I do not feel well.

A cursory glance at my last few posts on this blog clearly point to a fairly uncomfortable, cynical and depressive perspective that I am developing. I dare not even read these posts, for fear that I will find some kind of pathetic author that is either clamouring for attention or truly floundering. I am not even sure which would be worse. Regardless, I feel compelled to stand by these posts as I wrote them for a reason and know that they will not result in people judging me because they will not be read.

But I can read them and I am reading the usual feeling I get at this time of year. An unnerving creeping sensation that pervades my entire outlook on life, my social interactions with people and my opinion of myself. I felt the exact moment that it began. I was walking through a capital city on the first truly cold day of winter and felt suddenly and utterly hollow. I felt broken. While this has not been a constant sensation, it is one that surprises me with its ability to lay me low at almost any given time.

Over the week I did find some kind of possible cathartic method for dealing with this. It is surely not just the winter that has brought this mindset on, but it feels appropriate to blame the winter nonetheless. Getting some pleasure that is unique to the season may be a way forward. I enjoy planning Christmas parties, making snow 'sculptures', drinking mulled wine, eating winter food and sitting with friends in front of a warm fire. The senses can be treated in a way that is not possible at any other time of year. I need to harvest as much joy from these sensations as I can to defend myself from this crippling (if you will pardon the usual gross hyperbole) drain.

Perhaps I will survive another winter and perhaps next year I can do more than survive.

-The English Student

A Thaw

Finally, we have some relatively good weather.

It seems like the winter would never end and with the horrendous weather we were enduring I had actually forgotten what it felt like to be warm. It seems that as a nation we had collectively forgotten the hope of spring and the warm embrace of summer. It seems that this week it has suddenly pounced upon us.

The 'recession' and economic hardship over the past few months has been compounded by depressing weather. While people may diminish the effect that weather has on national feeling I really do believe that it is quite important. In practical terms, the cold snap forced us to stay inside and avoid spending money. We were also less inclined to invest emotionally or place trust in each other as the cold moved in.

With the thaw in the weather I do hope that these patterns will reverse and they do seem to be. People seem happier and economies are to an extent, picking up with the better weather. However, thaws and freezes are cyclical. While we may not have saw an end to this last freeze it was certainly coming and while we may think this thaw will last forever that is not the truth either.

We should make hay in this weather, as the cold will come again.

-The English Student

Christmas Guilt

Another Christmas approaches and a familiar sense of dread emerges.

Of course, it would be ridiculous to simply say that I hate the holiday season. It is billed as a time of joy when people can come together to celebrate and give thanks with family and friends. Indeed, in these more secular times this holiday is no longer just for the religious minded, but for everyone.

However, there are several reasons why I have never truly and consistently enjoyed Christmas. The music is nauseating, the decorations gaudy and the weather is bitterly cold. This is all in conjunction with the increasingly cynical nature of a market driven holiday. But these persistent annoyances can hardly be enough to drive me away from Christmas. In fact, these aspects have only become apparent to me recently.

But ever since I was young this holiday has caused me pain and frustration due to a feeling I call 'Christmas Guilt'. The idea of gift giving is all well and good, but I happen to be someone who has everything they could possibly want. I don't wake up hungry, nor do I go to sleep freezing cold and despite my many failings I have friends who stick by me. So how can I in good concsience demand anymore from those who give so much?

But they will keep asking me what I want for Christmas, so I must stay resolute in my response: I want nothing.



-The English Student

Winter Exams

Why do college's insist on examinations?

As winter closes in there's more than the dubious shelter of beer gardens and River Island's new "warm but expensive" clothing line on the mind of the average student. Now is the time when the joke of the previous semester stops being funny and starts becoming serious as the winter exams approach. So why are we obligated to put down our pint glasses and force every little morsel of information pertaining to our course into our already bewildered brains?

Surely if our course material was completely relevant to future life the proof of our knowledge would be apparent when we emerge as "functional members of society". The real result of our respective courses should be practical knowledge in the field that we've chosen. It seems like our lecturers realise the uselessness of 90% of their programs and as such, try to impose some worth by making them part of our final grade.

Is there an alternative? Maybe if our society didn't put such a huge emphasis on meaningless GPA numbers and pointless pieces of paper we wouldn't have to break our necks learning impractical facts. Judge our merit in the workplace first, then delegate those futile honours.

Well, I don't believe I can procrastinate any longer with this short essay. Time to learn the past tense of Old English verbs. You never know when it could come in handy...

-The English Student